I want to start off by saying that I’m not writing this post really for you to read, but rather for me more so than anything else. You know, they say sometimes it’s good or theraputic to write stuff down, so that’s what I figured I would do, probably a little late, but better than never right?
Since I’ve been sick the past couple of days (and without much else to do), I decided to organize and clean up my computer a little, so I started going through some old pictures and files. Boy! Does that bring back some memories. Soooooo, yeah, instead of cleaning and organizing my computer, I’ve been reminiscing the past couple of days.
I had a pretty good childhood. You know, playing hide and seek, football, tag, cops and robbers, soccer, etc… with all my friends. I’d wach “CHiPs” on Sunday afternoons then go ride my bicycle pretending I was Ponch on a motorcycle. You know, your typical childhood.
I was never really close to my dad. He went to work, brought home the paycheck, mowed the yard, fixed stuff around the house, etc… Mom stayed home with the kids, so naturally I was closer to her than I was my dad. My dad and me never really “hung” out and did stuff together. Don’t get me wrong, he did come to my baseball games, my 8th grade band concerts, etc… but stuff with just me and him? Not really.
If we had done the father and son stuff when I was a kid, maybe it would’ve been a little easier for both of use when my mom passed away. She died the day before my 14th birthday, which I know happens, I’m just glad I had her around for as long as I did. But it was tough, not just for me and not just for dad, but for “me and dad” too. What I mean is that we really didn’t know what to say to each other or how to behave when we were together. It’s like we were miles apart and didn’t know each other at all.
When I got older and got my own place, dad would ALWAYS give me money whether I needed or not. He’d always ask “Gary, how are you on cash”? No matter what I said, he’d always give me money. Like I said, I don’t think he knew what to say when he saw me, I think maybe that was his way of saying, “Hey, how’s it going”?.
My dad was always a HUGE country music fan and back then I was working in radio (country format). Whenever he would call me at home, that was the only thing we could really talk about. Country music was the only thing we had in common. The phone calls, typically, wouldn’t last that long. If the conversation wasn’t about country music, I didn’t know what else to say.
Later in life, as I grew up and got married, me and my wife tried taking my dad out to dinner. He wouldn’t let me pay for the check, he’d always pay the bill. I guess that’s the only role he really felt comfortable with… “provider”. By always paying for dinner, I think he felt good to be the provider again. I told myself that one of these days I was going to buy his meal (an item on my bucket list so to speak). Probably, in part, for selfish reasons too, I guess I wanted to prove I wasn’t a kid anymore.
After mom died, a few years later my dad moved from Texas to Franklin, KY, which is about a 40 minute drive from Nashville, TN. In 2003, I was at CRS, which is a convention for country radio broadcasters and country music celebrities. My dad drove down to my hotel to have lunch with me. When the check came, my dad pulled out his wallet. I told him “I got this one”, he said “Dont’ worry about it, I’ll pay for it”. I actually lied and told him that I had an expense account and the radio station would reimburse me for it, I couldn’t believe that actually worked. He let me pay for the tab! Now, I wish I didn’t have to lie to him, but with him living so far away, I knew my chances of actually ever paying for his lunch were pretty slim… since I didn’t see him much anymore. Little did I know that it was going to be the last I time I ever saw him again. He died 5 weeks later.
I guess that’s why I’m writing this, there are a lot of things I wish I told him, but never did. So in a weird way, I hope he’s reading this.
Just because I was able to finally buy him a meal, wasn’t the reason it was one of my best days. It was because that day gave me the memory of the last image I have of him… one of the best images I have of him.
My dad was a good man. An honest man. He was a nice person, but stern when he needed to be. It’s weird though, although we didn’t seem to know each other that well, he was the type of guy who never met a stranger. He could strike up a conversation with anyone. Probably talk their ear off sometimes! He had a lot of friends and was willing to help anyone who needed it. Some of those qualities I didn’t notice until after he passed away. Even though he’s not alive anymore, he’s become a role model for me.
Like I said, my dad was a HUGE country music fan. When he came to my hotel to meet me for lunch, he was amazed at all the country music stars just walking around the hotel lobby (I was there for the country music convention). He was so excited to see them all! I took him into the convention area where there were a TON of more stars. Country music celebrities just wandering around! Clay Walker, Tracy Lawrence, Terri Clark, Blake Shelton, etc… He got to meet several celebrities. He was on cloud nine. I could see it in his eyes, he was just so happy.
My last image of my Dad? We were back in the lobby of the hotel and my dad got excited when he saw Lee Greenwood (wrote and sung “God Bless the USA”) standing there. I told my dad that I had to go so I could make it to the next seminar, so I walked out of the hotel. As I was walking away I turned around and looked through the glass doors and saw that my dad had struck up a conversation with Lee Greenwood. I thought to myself “Poor Lee Greenwood, he’s going to be stuck there talking to my Dad for at least 20 minutes”.
Lee Greenwood probably didn’t know how lucky he was.
